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The Mirror and
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Section 13 – Finding Out
“Hey Doug, what’s going on?”
“Nothing and something, could I come over?” What am I supposed to say to this great looking guy? I’m not about to lose him.
There is something lurking in his mind, I could hear it in his voice. “Hi Alex..?” Guess I blanked out for a second there, while I was lost in thought.
“Yeah, come on over!” I’d better let Mom and Dad know really quickly that someone is coming over. I opened my door and gave a yell down to my parents. “Mom, Dad, a friend is coming over could you let him in?”
“Sure, son!” Before I knew it, there was a knock at the door.
I couldn’t contain it; I wanted to see him. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could; at times, it seemed as if my feet never once touched their targets.
He had crossed the threshold and stood there smiling at me. “Hey Alex!” He’s waiting for something, I can tell from the way he’s smiling at me, but I am clueless. If I stand here for just a second, and let my brain catch up with my eyes, I think I can come up with something. Wait, I got it, he’s waiting for an introduction to my parents. “Mom, Dad, this great looking guy is Doug. Doug, these lovely people are my parents.” They shook hands and as quickly as possible, we headed for my room.
My room is a place of solace. It’s the one place where I feel at ease.
Although today, I am anything but at ease. Doug looks around the room and he seems impressed. “I take it you like my room?”
“Yeah it’s huge!” He says as he continues to take in everything. “My parents never had any other kids so, when I turned eight they took out a wall and combined my room with an extra bedroom. I got one huge room that has not gone to waste at all.” I’m not sure why, but Doug seemed more at ease. “So Doug, tell me about you?”
Now Doug looked nervous, almost afraid. “I suppose you want to know about me, and why I showed up at your school halfway through the school year?” Is he kidding? Of course I want to know, especially since he has piqued my curiosity. “Look, you only have to tell me what you want to,” I said with total sincerity.
Doug looked into my eyes, and I saw a guy who looked like he was afraid of losing something. He looked how I felt, the day that I came out to my parents.
“We were living in Arizona, when my parents had a very ugly divorce. Guess I was around six when it happened. It didn’t take too long for them to get remarried; Mom to some guy from the gym, and Dad to this lady he had dated in high school. When I was 13, I came out to my mom and step-dad. Things didn’t go the way that I expected. I heard my stepdad say that he wasn’t going to have “one of them” living in his house. My mom made no attempt to stand up for me. It took them three days to get rid of me, one to pack me up, one to finish packing me up and to buy the ticket, and one to send me on my way. My dad and my step-mom took me in with total unconditional love. They did their best to give me my privacy. They had a three bedroom house; one for them, one for my older sister, and one for my younger brother. They didn’t have an extra bedroom, but they did have a very large partially unused attic, so my dad and one of his friends went to work making a part of the attic into my room. It wasn’t very large, but during the winter it was warm. I had a bed, television, computer and a desk; oh, and a dresser. Everything was going awesome, until threats started coming to the house.
Section 14 – Doug’s Visit
“The threats kept coming over the phone, in the mail, on the internet, and in notes at school. We called the police, and sure, they took action, but we knew that unless something happened, that they wouldn’t find the guy or guys responsible. My step-mom made sure that every single threat was documented.
Around the sixteenth of February, my mom was home alone, when two bricks came crashing through windows in the living room. Mom called the police as someone was trying to enter the house. After that, they didn’t wait for anything else to happen. My dad’s company, upon request, gave him a transfer, and even helped with moving expenses. Anyway, as weird as it sounds, that’s why we are here. But I didn’t come over here to talk about that, though.”
“So why did you come over?” I watched him after I asked the question.
He glanced at the floor, and then at me, and then back to the floor. “I...I...I was hoping you were gay!” How could he not know? I thought everyone knew. “But I already have my answer, so ummm...I know this is sudden, but would you be my boyfriend?”
Wow...what to say, if some great looking guy wants to date me, who am I to refuse? I don’t want to lose him, and I’m not. He’s staring at me and I know what he wants. Apparently, I am not answering him fast enough, because now, he’s turning his back to me.
He’s ready to step out of the room. The minute Doug steps out of my room, he’ll walk out the house and away from me. My hand reaches up and rests on his shoulder. “Hey, where are you headed without my answer?”
“I didn’t think you were interested!” He replied, looking at me with a deadpan expression.
“Can’t a guy think?” He smiled but he didn’t answer me. Instead, he opened the door. “Doug, I’ll....”
Mom yelled up the stairs for me. “Jeff is on the phone, and it’s important.”
I turned to Doug, who was waiting with baited breath for my answer. How could I put him off? “Don’t go anywhere!” I turned my back on Doug and picked up the phone. “Hey Jeff, how are you feeling?”
“Well, I’m a little sore but I didn’t call to give a medical report. I need you to get my homework. Mom is insisting that I take a week off from school, so will you do it?”
“No problem, Jeff!”
“Thanks, man, bye!”
I hung up and turned my head towards Doug, or where he had been standing. “Mom, is Doug down there?”
“No, honey, he left, but he left a note. It says, ‘Don’t worry, we are still friends.” He left. I...I can’t believe it. He didn’t wait for my answer, and that hurts. I just don’t get it.
Section 15 – He Just Left
Right now, I’m so shaken that I just want to cry. He’s gone, and I doubt he’ll be back, because of my lack of courtesy for him. There wasn’t a reason for making him wait. It should have been easy, either a yes or a no, but I put my response on hold, and when my focus was returned once more to him, he was gone.
Without saying goodbye, he took his leave, and now I’d do anything to give him my heart.
Gazing into my mirror, I can see with my mind his form. I wish he was here so I could give him my apology and then my heart. I want him to hear me and to see me as I spill out my soul. I suppose if need be, I could catch him online, but that lacks any character and I need him to see my soul bared for him.
Every muscle, every nerve, and every vessel is crying out for his return. Do you think he can hear them as they scream out his name? Doug, you should have waited for the call to end. I’d like to bet, that your mind is racing and so is your heart. Why am I risking such a thought? I saw it in your eyes as I picked up the phone. The closer you crept to the door, the stronger my anxiety grew. Still, I don’t understand your leaving, even though I saw it in your eyes. I know your hand wrote the note, but knowing what you wrote just stings me, because I don’t want to be just friends.
I want to be more than just a friend. I want our hearts to be joined as one, not in a marriage or a union; rather, I want it to be just you and me. For now, all I can do is hope and pray that you come back to try again. If you don’t come back to me, I can ask you the question. Maybe that is what I need to do, just bring my question to you. Will you answer me yes or no? I can’t say for certain what your answer will be, but I hope you remember what brought you to my house tonight. I hope the feelings that lead you to me haven’t died down. If they’ve been thrown away, then we have no hope at all.
All I can hope for is that you haven’t thrown away any chance for us being one. You have no idea how much I want to, need to tell you what’s on my mind. Your eyes as you turned gave me hope, because you still didn’t turn away from me. Doug, I want to see what we could be, not what could have been.
I felt it from day one, some arrow struck my heart. Now I stand bleeding inside and crying because of my loss.
Section 16 – Home Room, Lunch Room
After the attack, I made sure that I didn’t waste any time in the hallway.
I’d get to school, open my locker, and head to my first hour class. Today, though, I had homeroom and that meant having my favorite teacher twice in the same time. The room is open but quiet and still. I’m writing in my journal, when I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I was shocked to see Doug.
Doug and I have a surprised look on our faces. “Doug, I....”
“Alex....” We both opened our mouths at the same time. “Alex, I’m sorry for leaving yesterday. I didn’t think that....” He was caught by the bell and the entrance of our peers and by Ms. Wells. Now, I’ll never know what’s on Doug’s mind. I can only hope for Doug and me to have the same lunch hour.
While the day moves on, my mind moves further and further from my class work. As much as I’d like to concentrate on work, I can’t. All my mind is playing is the hope that I’ll see Doug at lunch. This wait is killing me; I need to talk with him. I just want to spend ten minutes with him, just long enough to say what I have on my mind. The hours before lunch seem to be never-ending, but soon enough, the time to talk will be upon me, I hope.
Finally, the line has moved me down to the cashier. My tray has a chicken fajita, corn, apple slices, and chocolate milk. Now, my heart is pounding out of nervousness. As usual, Pete has our table already picked out. As I move towards Pete, Doug comes into view. He’s sitting by himself. His back is to me, so I gently tap him on the shoulder. He turns, looks up, and says, “Sit down!” as his right arm practically drags me down to my seat. Hopefully, we can have our words this time.
“You were saying, earlier?” I said, secretly hoping for his questions to be the ones that I’ve been waiting for all day.
“Boy, aren’t you impatient!”
“I am when it comes to people finishing their conversations.” Man, Doug, come on, spit out the question. I’m tired of waiting. I’ve waited for what feels like an eternity to hear from your voice.
His face takes on a very serious expression as his lips start to move. “Alex, I can’t wait any more. Will you please marry...no...no...will you be my boyfriend?”
This time, I’m not wasting any time in giving away my answer to Doug. “Doug, I would love to be your boyfriend.” I thought for sure he would lean in for a kiss. Instead, he pulled out a necklace with a shark tooth on it, and then he pulled out a ring and placed it on my ring finger.
“I want to be here to place one more ring on you!” He said, as he stared into my eyes.