When Andy started his freshman year in college he finally realized and accepted that he was gay. He discovered that he liked looking at the all the guys on his floor. It was a men’s-only floor in the dorm, so a lot of guys walked around, some nearly and a few totally in the buff, lounging in their rooms with the doors open, walking in the hallways, and especially in the showers.

Andy loved all the eye candy, but the real catalyst for his realization was his roommate Brandon. They’d become friends, then best friends. They studied together, they ate together, they went to football games together, they met up with other guys and girls from their dorm to hang together, they seemed to do everything together. Everything except date individual girls. They had the same explanation: as first-year computer science majors they were overwhelmed by the course workload. For Andy with his straight-A average through high school that wasn’t accurate; for Brandon who’d struggled through high school, it was.

As fall semester progressed Andy found he was more and more attracted to Brandon. When they were in their dorm room Andy tried to be careful and not stare, but more and more often he’d be caught. He’d see Brandon grin, or hear a chuckle or a comment like “You want a picture?” followed by laughter. At first his response would be “What?” as if he hadn’t been doing anything, just innocently sitting and reading. Somehow that morphed into a “Sorry” to which Brandon would respond “No problema.”

After midterm exams Andy started to notice that sometimes when he looked at Brandon he’d already be looking back. At first Brandon would smile and quickly return to his book, or his laptop, or the TV. After a few more days he’d smile, continue to look at Andy for several seconds, then look away. Then after a week Brandon would look at Andy and not look away until Andy did.

That scared Andy. He wanted to stay in the closet with the door tightly closed. He worried that the way Brandon kept looking at him might mean he suspected that Andy was gay. They had become best friends, but Andy didn’t know Brandon well enough to trust him about the gay issue.

Andy tried to avoid looking at Brandon when they were together. But it seemed like whenever he’d sneaked a peek he’d see Brandon looking at him and grinning.

Andy didn’t know what to do. Should he admit to Brandon that he was gay? He had no idea what Brandon’s reaction would be. The subject of gay guys had never come up. There didn’t seem to be a reason to talk about it. Andy hadn’t heard about any guys in the dorm who were gay. It appeared that ‘gay’ just didn’t make it to Brandon’s radar. Or Andy’s, for that matter.

The problem of his attraction for Brandon got to the point where it became the only thing Andy could think about unless he forced himself to focus on school assignments. He recognized that his attraction had started as lust and turned into love. He freaked that if they happened to stare at each other again he’d totally lose it and do something stupid, like grab Brandon and kiss him.

He decided the safest thing would be to avoid looking at Brandon. That meant he’d have to stay away from Brandon. That frustrated Andy, and made him cranky. He could tell that Brandon knew something had gone wrong in their relationship, but he never said anything about it. That frustrated Andy even more, and to keep his sanity he started staying away from their dorm room and Brandon as much as possible.

Andy returned one night around midnight. He’d stayed in the library to study hoping that when he got back Brandon would be asleep. He unlocked the door, slowly inserting the key and opening the door as quietly as possible. The room was dark except for moonlight that filtered through the blinds on the only window in the room. He closed the door and tiptoed to his bed. He set his backpack at the end of the bed and undressed. He eased into bed slowly to keep the springs from squeaking. He took a big breath and let it out as a sigh, again without making any sound.

Andy could feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he let them flow. He’d never been so sad in his life. He turned his head and looked across the room. He could just make out Brandon in the moonlight, asleep in his bed, the guy he lusted after, the guy he loved. Life was so fucking unfair! Why did he have to be such a wimp? Why couldn’t he just come out and tell Brandon how he felt? He knew the answer. If Brandon hated him and rejected him, he’d lose the guy who’d become his best friend.

He heard Brandon stir then turn on the light above his bed. He sat up, looking at Andy.

 “Andy?”

“Uhh... yeah. Sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me. I’ve been waiting for you to get back.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Andy?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you hate me?”

Andy stopped breathing. It felt like his heart had stopped. He looked at Brandon, trying to figure out what to say. There was only one thing to say that made sense.

“I don’t hate you. I love you. I… I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I said I’m in love with you, Brandon. Since we moved into the dorm together, I’ve liked you. You became my friend, then my best friend. I fell in love with you. I’m gay, Brandon, and I love you. I always will. You might hate me because I’m gay, but I’ll still love you.” Andy started to cry, and buried his face in his hands.

He heard the sound of Brandon getting out of bed and walking across the room, then the sound of his springs squeaking as Brandon sat next to him. He felt a strong arm reach around his shoulder and pull him into a hug. Andy put his arms around Brandon and they pulled each other into an embrace.

Brandon whispered in Andy’s ear, “I’ve fallen in love with you too, Andy.”

Andy pulled back from the embrace and stared at Brandon. “You mean you’re….”

“If you’re asking if I’m gay, I don’t really know. Except for you, guys don’t turn me on. All I’m certain about is that I’m in love with you. I’ve been hoping that you’d feel the same about me, be in love with me too…”

Andy’s voice trembled, “…yes! Haven’t you seen how I’ve been looking at you? How I’ve tried to not look at you? I’ve been so afraid you’d figure out that I’m gay and you’d hate me. That’s why I started staying away from the dorm. So I wouldn’t have to look at you all the time and you’d bust me and then you’d know I’m gay and hate me. I’ve been miserable. I love you, Brandon. I couldn’t tell you, it freaked me that you’d never talk to me again. That you’d want to change dorm rooms. So yes, I’m in love with you.” Andy sighed and grinned. “And it’s not just love. It’s lust, too. I’ve been lusting over your hunky body.”

Now Brandon grinned too. “You fucking dufus! Didn’t you see me looking at you too? And smiling when I did? You’re as dense as I am! And by the way, you’ve got one gorgeous hunky body too, dude! I’ve been trying to keep from jumping your bones all semester!”

Andy and Brandon looked at each other and started laughing. It was almost uncontrollable, and while they were laughing they held each other in a tight embrace. They kept trying to shush each other, worried that everyone in the nearby dorm rooms would hear them. They finally stopped laughing, then started giggling like schoolgirls.

Andy ended the giggling by putting his hands on each side of Brandon’s face and moving so their lips were together in a long, soft, sensuous kiss. Then he leaned back and said, “I want us to be roommates, together forever, Brandon.”

Brandon reached up and with his thumbs wiped the almost-dry tears from Andy’s cheeks. “There’s nothing in the world that would make me happier than being your roommate, and be together forever, Andy.”