Reaching Out

Chapter 13: A Visit to the Hospital

By Grant Bentley

In the morning, the boys were up early and had breakfast ready when Ian and I got up. They announced that they were going to see if was possible to go to the hospital and see Trevor. I reminded John that Trevor was one of the boys who had attacked him.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, “but now I think I know why. He did phone the ‘gay’ help line, after all. I think he was scared and was trying to hide who he is the only way he knew how. If that’s the case, then I know what he’s been going through.”

He smiled and leaned in to give Jason a quick kiss, then added, “I was lucky. I had Jason. He probably had no one.”

The boys left for school. As soon as they got there, they all went to see Scott Thiessen and talked to him about going to see Trevor. He suggested that Trevor might not be ready for–or even allowed–visitors yet, and he certainly wouldn’t be allowed to have a dozen boys visiting him all at once. He told them he would contact the hospital, talk to the doctor and then let them know if they would be allowed to see Trevor. He suggested they come by his office at noon.

They were back at the office as soon as the lunch bell rang. When they got there, Scott let them know that Trevor was doing very well. The doctor felt it would be good for him to have some visitors, as no one had been in to see him since he was admitted. The doctor felt he needed to know he had friends who cared about him. He suggested the boys could come over, but only two would be allowed to go in and see Trevor at first. The boys decided that Pete and Evan would be the ones to see him as Evan had been on the phone with him and Pete had pulled him off the balcony.

As soon as school was out, the boys made their way to Mountview hospital. When they arrived, they were given directions to the psychiatric ward. Once they found the ward, they were asked to wait at the main desk until Trevor’s doctor could come out to talk to them. When the doctor arrived, he told them that Trevor was extremely nervous about seeing anyone. He told them that Trevor would only allow Pete and Evan in to see him at the moment. If he felt he wanted to see anyone else, the boys were to come and see the doctor first.

As the boys were getting ready to go to the room, the doctor warned them not to pressure Trevor into answering any questions. They were to let him take the initiative and talk about what he wanted to talk about. They were shown to Trevor’s room, and they just stood in the doorway for a few seconds. Trevor was sitting up in his bed, looking out the window. He turned and as soon as he saw the boys his eyes filled with tears. He immediately wiped them away with his sleeve.

“Hey,” Pete said as he pulled on Evan’s sleeve and the two of them crossed the room to Trevor’s bed.

“Hey,” Trevor responded.

“How you doin’?” Pete asked.

“Okay, I guess,” Trevor answered.

After a short but painful silence, Trevor looked at Evan and said, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Evan replied.

Then he looked at Pete and smiled as his eyes filled with tears. He shrugged, saying, “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Pete told him.

“So, now you know what a total fuck-up I am,” Trevor stated.

“That’s bull,” Pete said. “You’re no more of a fuck-up than the rest of us.”

There was another short silence before Trevor asked, “Why did you come after me?”

“We’re teammates and friends, and it sounded like you were having a really bad day, so I just thought I’d drop by to cheer you up,” Pete responded with a smile.

Trevor smiled back. “Thanks,” he said.

“Don’t you ever do that again, though. Do you have any idea how badly you scared us?” Pete stated.

Trevor smiled at him and the tears started to flow. Pete moved in and hugged him. When he did, Trevor wrapped his arms around him and began to sob. Pete just held him until he slowed down and pulled away.

“You can talk to us, you know,” Pete said.

It was like he had been waiting to hear those words for a long time.

“I didn’t think anyone cared any more. I mean, I fucked it up with you guys when I beat on John and got expelled from Western. I didn’t think any of you would want to talk to me again. Then, when I got to Central, it seemed like everything fell apart. I couldn’t get into any of the teams, since its mid-season, and suddenly I was a nobody. I was the new guy. They had their little groups of friends and it seemed like no one wanted to get to know me. At Western, it’s always been us guys since, like, junior high. There, I was alone. I’ve never been alone like that before,” he responded.

“Well, now you know you still have friends. Even if we’re in different schools, we can still hang out,” Pete told him.

“When I heard about the GSA you guys were setting up and the big dance, I wanted to go. I wanted to see you guys, but I figured I would get the shit kicked out of me if I did. You know, the homophobe showing up at the gay dance,” he said, smiling.

“Yeah, maybe not the best plan,” Pete laughed.

“Hey, we’re not the only ones here to see you, you know. Some of the other guys came with us, but the doc said only the two of us could come in unless you said otherwise,” Pete told him.

“Want to see them?” Evan asked.

“Well, I let two fags in my room,” he laughed, holding his hands up to protect his face. “What’s a few more?”

His face may have been protected, but he got a sharp blow to the arm from Evan.

“Hey, that’s going to cause a bruise!” he exclaimed. “How am I going to explain that to the doctor?”

“Tell him it’s a new form of self-abuse,” Pete laughed as he left the room.

When he got to the main desk, the doctor was still there, but he was just about to leave to do his rounds. Pete told the doctor that Trevor wanted to see some of the other boys. The doctor wasn’t sure Trevor was ready for that yet, so he asked Pete to wait there for a minute so he could talk to Trevor first. He entered Trevor’s room, and after asking Evan to give them a minute, he walked over to Trevor.

“I’m not sure you’re ready to see anyone else just yet,” he told Trevor. “You have been through a lot and really should be resting.”

“No, I’ve been alone too much lately and that’s why I’m here. I need to have people around, even if it’s just for a little while,” Trevor responded.

“You’re sure?” the doctor asked. “I don’t want you getting stressed.”

“I’m sure,” Trevor told him. “I need to know I’m not alone.”

“Okay,” the doctor said, “but just until I’m finished my rounds.”

The doctor let Pete know it was okay to take some of the boys in to see Trevor, but no more than four of the others. He didn’t want Trevor to become stressed from all of the others coming into his room, as well as Pete and Evan. Even though it was what Trevor wanted, he felt it could be too much, too soon, and that could lead to problems. Pete told him he understood and headed for the waiting room. He was wondering who the four should be, but as he entered the waiting room he saw that there was only Jason, John, Ross and Scott there, anyway. Theo and Aaron had left for a dinner date with Aaron’s parents and Cary had gone to work. Pete told them that Trevor was ready to see them and they all headed down the hall to his room.

When the door opened, Trevor was not surprised to see Ross and Scott, but his mouth dropped open when he saw Jason and John.

“Hey Trev,” Ross said as they walked in.

“Hey,” he replied, still staring at Jason and John.

John smiled at him. “Hey, feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I didn’t expect to see you here, either,” John responded.

“Yeah, I guess not,” Trevor said.

“So,” Pete cut in, “it’s just you and six benders. You believe in prayer?” he laughed.

“No, but I’ll try anything once,” Trevor replied, laughing.

“Oh, really?” Pete asked as he grabbed Trevor’s sheet and started to pull it off.

Trevor immediately grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to his neck while crawling up the bed as if he were trying to escape. They all broke out laughing, everyone relaxed and soon they were carrying on like old friends.

“Truth or dare,” Trevor suddenly said out of the blue.

“Truth,” Ross replied. “Truth, always.”

“Okay,” Trevor said, “but nothing leaves this room. Okay?”

“Nothing that has happened in the last two days will ever leave this room,” Scott replied.

“I know you are all wondering what happened. Like, why I made the call and why I didn’t feel I could go on,” Trevor started. “Last night, my mom met me at the door when I got home from school. She had some magazines in her hand–my magazines that I had hidden behind my headboard. She looked totally pissed and it scared the hell out of me. She asked me what they were and what the hell I was doing with them. She was yelling and screaming at me so much, I didn’t get a chance to answer her. She told me she wanted me out. That I was the spawn of Satan just like my father and I was no son of hers. She said she was going out, and that when she got back, I had better be gone.” At that point, he could hardly speak because he was crying so hard. Pete moved in and held him until he was able to stop crying.

“You’re not supposed to be getting stressed,” Pete told him. “I think you should wait and rest for a while before you go on. If the doctor comes in, he’s going to throw us all out and probably ban us from ever coming back.”

Trevor took a few deep breaths and continued, “I have to say this now or I might never have the courage to say it again.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Pete said. “Just know that we are always here for you, no matter what.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” he continued. “I turned all of you guys against me, my mother hated me and I had no friends from Central. I had no one. I had never felt so hopeless and alone before, ever. I wanted to die. I just didn’t know how. Then I thought, why not just jump? I mean, I was on the fifteenth floor, right? I went to my room. I don’t even know why, but I did. I saw the flier about the help line on my desk. I’d picked it up at school, kinda like a reminder of you guys, I guess. I don’t know if you know it or not, or if they’re supposed to be, but they’re all over Central, by the way. Anyway, I saw it and picked it up as I left my room. I got to the balcony and looked down. The only thing I could think of was how long I it would take. Stupid, huh? Then I looked at the flier in my hand. It was the only hope I had, so I went back into the living room, picked up the phone and dialled the number.”

“We’re so glad you phoned, man,” Pete said. “You have no idea how killing yourself would have hurt us.”

He looked at everyone, smiled and said, “Thanks, guys.” He looked back to Pete and said, “By the way, you counted wrong. There are seven benders in this room.”

“I know how hard that was for you,” John said as he gave Trevor a hug. “It took me a long time to come to terms with who I was. I just thank God I had Jason.”

Just then, the doctor came in.

“So, you are obviously feeling better,” he said to Trevor.

“Yeah, I told them and they still love me,” he laughed.

“Well that’s good to hear,” he said, smiling at us. “Unfortunately, visiting hours are over for tonight as it’s dinner time, and after dinner, Trevor and I have an appointment.”

The boys all said their good-byes and gave him a hug, then left the hospital. On the way home, they stopped at a take-out.

“Hope you didn’t cook,” Jason called out as they came in the door.

They were soon in the kitchen, setting everything out. I could tell by the noise level that they were excited, so I guessed that things had gone well with Trevor.

Ian and I entered the kitchen and smiled at the enthusiastic expressions on the boys’ faces as they looked up at us.

Chapter 14