Reaching Out

Chapter 17: Weddings

By Grant Bentley

Summer was also the time Ian and I had chosen to get married. One day when we were talking to the boys about it, John wanted to know if we would be interested in having a double ceremony. When Ian asked if they didn’t think they were kind of young, Jason replied that, young or not, they had been best friends forever, and had been together as a couple for nearly three years. If they didn’t know they were meant to be together for life by now, they never would. We couldn’t argue with that logic, so we agreed it was going to be a fathers and sons double ceremony. I don’t think we could have done anything that would have made two boys happier. John and Jason immediately called everyone together, and sitting on the edge of the pool table, they made the announcement. The other boys couldn’t have been happier. We received congratulations and hugs from everyone. And, to make things easier–or was it harder?–we had ten to fifteen volunteer wedding planners at our disposal at any given time.

We set the date for July 21st and decided to go with something small: a backyard patio wedding with just our closest friends and relatives. For me, that was no problem since my family had known I was gay for years. For Ian, however, it was going to be a little more complicated as only John knew. Of his parents, only his mother was still living, and she was in Edmonton. He had a sister, also in Edmonton, and a brother in Regina. We decided the best way to break it to his mom and sister was to go up to Edmonton for a weekend and tell them. He was not very close to his brother, so we figured a phone call would work for him. If he freaked, it wouldn’t make much difference anyway.

Ian phoned his sister to let her know we would be coming up the following weekend. We arrived on the Friday night and decided to stay in a hotel and go out to one of the bars. On Saturday, we drove over to his sister’s place. We visited with her and their mother for the afternoon, and at dinner, Ian announced that he had something important to tell them.

“You going to tell us you and Chris are dating?” his sister asked jokingly.

Ian looked at her as if she had grown horns before replying, “Actually, yeah.”

“No way,” she responded, her expression quickly becoming serious. “You’re not gay.”

“Oh, don’t be so silly dear,” his mom said. “Of course he is.”

At this point, both Ian and his sister were staring at their mother with their mouths open.

Suddenly his sister turned to him. “You’re gay?” she asked.

“Afraid so,” Ian answered.

With that, his sister got up and left the room. Ian started to get up and follow her when his mom said, “Just leave her for a bit, she’ll get over it. If not, I’ll set her straight.”

“You really knew?” Ian asked his mom.

“Dear, I knew when you were in high school,” she replied. “I never did understand why you married Marsha. Not that it was a bad thing. She was such a sweet girl and you gave me the best grandson anyone could ask for. How are he and that little boyfriend of his doing, by the way?”

“You know about John, too?” Ian asked, totally astonished.

“Of course dear, he tells me everything. I probably knew about Jason before you did,” she laughed.

“Probably,” Ian said.

“He phones me every week, you know that,” she said. “He was disappointed I couldn’t be at his graduation, but he knew that I had to have those stupid tests done then or wait another year.”

“He was disappointed, but he understood. And he loved the gift you sent,” Ian said. He paused for a few seconds before adding, “Chris and I have something to tell you.”

“So, do we get a formal written invitation or is this going to be it?” she asked.

“Did John tell you we were getting married?” Ian asked, looking surprised.

“Of course not, he wouldn’t do that,” she scolded. “That’s not his story to tell.”

“You’re right, Mom, John would never do something like that,” Ian conceded.

“Besides, you’d already told us you’re gay and introduced Chris. What else would you have had to tell us?” she asked with a grin.

“Okay, you got me. We’ll have formal invitations printed up just for you, Mom,” Ian laughed.

“Invitations?” she asked.

“Invitations,” Ian confirmed. “It’s going to be a double ceremony with John and Jason.”

“Oh my,” she exclaimed, laughing. “I’m going to have to do some serious shopping.”

A few minutes later, his sister came back into the dining room.

“You jerk,” she said to Ian. “For three years you’ve let me search for the perfect woman for you, when all along you were looking for a man. You could have at least told me to stop wasting my time.”

“But you were having so much fun doing it, dear,” his mom laughed.

“He still could have told me,” she said, laughing. Then she came over to me, gave me a hug and said, “Welcome to the family, Chris. Now at least maybe someone will keep me informed,” she stated, looking directly at Ian.

“We’ve been invited to the weddings,” his mom told his sister.

“Weddings?” she asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes dear, weddings. Ian and Chris are having a double ceremony with John and Jason,” his mom said, still smiling.

“At least I knew about John and Jason,” she laughed. “Congratulations,” she then said to Ian and me.

“Thanks,” we both responded.

“This should freak Tom out,” she said, laughing.

“Probably,” Ian replied.

“There’s no probably about it,” she stated. “When he finds out his brother and nephew are not only gay but getting married, he’ll lose it. More than half of his extended family will be gay,” she added, laughing.

It’s important to note that Ian’s brother is an elder in an evangelical church in Regina, so his views on homosexuality were expected to be a little less than positive. But, as I said before, they’re not close in either a brotherly way or geographically, so Ian didn’t seem particularly concerned.

We thoroughly enjoyed the rest of our visit in Edmonton and left for home after lunch on Sunday. We arrived back in Calgary just before 4:00. Eight boys greeted us as we entered the house and we were immediately asked to sit down at the table. After we were given our necessary coffees, a number of drawings were set out in front of us. They were drawings of the back yard and deck as the boys envisioned them for the weddings. Scott and Evan had set them up using some graphics software Scott had. Everything looked absolutely amazing. There were floral arrangements, archways and potted shrubs, all interconnected with a modicum of streamers. Professionals couldn’t have done better. We told the boys that, if they could actually do that, we would love them forever. They assured us they not only could do that, but they had already located everything they needed with the help of Aaron’s parents and one of the local florists whose daughter was a member of the GSA.

After dinner, Ian decided that now was as good a time as any to phone his brother in Regina and give him the good news. Listening to one side of a phone conversation is always interesting; you try to fill in what the other person has just said based on what the person you are listening to has said. It’s kind of like hearing the answer and then figuring out the question.

“Hi, Tom?”

“Yeah, we’re doing great. You?”

“That’s good. We moved in a few weeks ago.”

“Well thanks, we appreciate your prayers. And yeah, we love it.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to come up and see it, for sure. Actually, that’s why I’m calling.”

“Well, not just to invite you up, but to invite you to our weddings.”

“Yeah, weddings. John and I are both getting married, so we decided to have a double ceremony.”

“Yeah, he is a little young, but they’ve been together for three years and they’ve known each other since they were little kids.”

“Chris McCormick.”

“Her?”

“Actually, I’ve know HIM for nearly six months and as I said, John has known Jason forever, basically.”

“Hello? Hello, you still there?”

Ian turned to us, grinned and hung up the phone.

“If you run to the window and look east, you should be able to see a mushroom cloud any time now,” he said, laughing.

The next couple of weeks were hectic, but the day was nearly upon us. At 2:00 tomorrow afternoon, Ian and I, as well as Jason and John, would be getting married. The back yard looked amazing. The boys had done a wonderful job. White chairs were set out for the guests, the decorations were phenomenal, the caterers had been and set up tables off to one side and the boys had even decorated them to fit in with the rest of the yard. The weather forecast couldn’t have been better. My folks were here with my sister and her family. Ian’s Mom was here with his sister and her family. There were ten boys and four girls standing out on the deck, admiring their work. Everything was going to be perfect.

We all sat around visiting and having a few drinks. Although the older folks had disappeared by about 11:00, everyone else stayed until nearly midnight, when we finally decided we should get some sleep as it was going to be a long day tomorrow.

I don’t think any of us got a lot of sleep that night, but it didn’t seem to matter. By 9:00 in the morning, Ian’s family and my family were already in the kitchen. Our sisters and moms were busy making breakfast for everyone. Pete, Evan, Aaron and Trevor were there as they would be standing up for Jason and John. Scott, Ross, Theo and Chase were also there as they would be standing up for Ian and me.

Ian and I had decided on black suits with white rose boutonnières and Jason and John decided on white suits with red rose boutonnières. We all teased them, saying that if they were trying to fool us into thinking they were virgins by wearing white, it wasn’t working. The eight other boys were all wearing very light grey suits with pink rose boutonnières.

Other guests began arriving by 11:00 and by 12:30 everyone was there. Reverend Jacobson arrived at 12:35 and we were ready to go. Ian and I were talking to Ian’s Mom when Ian stopped in mid-sentence and stared across the deck towards the patio doors. I turned to see who he was looking at and saw a couple a few years older than us standing in the doorway. They smiled at Ian and he smiled back. Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and led me over to them. He gave them both a big hug, and with tears in his eyes, said, “I can’t believe you came.”

He then turned to me and said, ”This is my brother, Tom, and my sister-in-law, Theresa.” To them he said, “This is Chris, the love of my life.”

I reached out to shake their hands and replied, “I am pleased to meet you and I’m so glad you came. Thank you.”

“Pleased to meet you, Chris,” Tom said. “I’m glad we came, too. I have one brother and one nephew. I love them both. How could we not come?”

At that point, Ian’s mom stepped in, gave them both a hug and led them off to where the rest of Ian’s family were sitting.

“He came,” Ian said to me with a smile.

“Yes, he did,” I replied as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

At that point, the Reverend called us to take our places as the sounds of Jason & deMarco’s “Just in Time” filled the air and the ceremony began. What follows is an abbreviated and modified version of the ceremony.

The Reverend began, “On behalf of Jason and John and Christopher and Ian, I welcome and thank you for being here to share in their joy.

“By being here today, you celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other and for each other and you support their decision to commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives.

“The greatest happiness in life is to know that we are loved, loved for ourselves. If there is anything better than being loved, it is to love.

“This afternoon we are here to celebrate love. We come together to witness the joining together of these two couples in marriage.

“God does not make a love that is wrong. This is the union of two couples in heart, body, mind and spirit. Therefore, marriage is not to be entered into lightly, but reverently, honestly and deliberately.”

Jason and I were standing on the Reverend’s right and John and Ian on his left. When we turned to face each other, my eyes filled with tears and I broke out into the biggest smile ever. The look of sheer joy and love was so evident on Ian and John’s faces and in their eyes, it was almost overwhelming. Ian and I said our vows and then John and Jason said theirs. I couldn’t help but smile as they said their vows to each other.

Jason started, “You are my life. I exist because you exist. Without you there is no now and there will be no tomorrow. You are everything to me. Without you there is nothing. I love you now and forever.”

John replied, “My life begins and ends with you. You give me substance. You give me energy. You give me a reason to be. You complete me. I am because you are. My love for you is timeless.”

The Reverend continued, “We recognize and respect the covenant you have made here this day before God and each one of us present. Therefore, in the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today and by the power vested in me by the Province of Alberta, it is my honour and delight to declare you married and partners in life…for life.

“You may seal your vows with a kiss.” We did.

“It is now my personal privilege and great joy to be the first one to introduce Jason and John and Christopher and Ian, our newly-married couples. Partners in life…for life.”

Everyone applauded and cheered. We spent the next half-hour getting hugs, kisses and congratulations from everyone.

Tom even came up to me and gave me a hug, saying, “I may not understand your relationship with Ian, but I do understand love and happiness. There is no doubt about your love for each other and there is no doubt that Ian is happier than I have ever seen him, other than the day John was born. You are obviously someone very special. Congratulations and welcome to the family.”

I wasn’t expecting that and wasn’t sure what to say, so I just said, “Thank you, that means a lot to both of us.”

Someone turned on the stereo and soon almost everyone was on the deck, dancing. I noticed Tom and Theresa watching the couples dancing and talking to each other. Finally, he came over to me and asked, “Is there anyone here who’s not gay?”

I laughed and told him, “I think at least a quarter of the people here are straight.”

He grinned and responded, “Thank God,” took Theresa’s hand and headed for the deck to dance.

Before I knew it, Ian was leading me towards the deck to do the same. We danced, we mingled, we visited, we hugged, we kissed and we had a wonderful time.

It was undoubtedly the best afternoon of my life. I was surrounded by the people I loved and I was married to the man I loved most in this world. Life couldn’t get any better.

Chapter 18