Silent Love
By Billy IAmWhoIAm
Email:
iamwhoiam@codeysworld.com
Copyright © 2007 by Billy IAmWhoIAm.
All Rights Reserved.
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Billy IAmWhoIAm
There is a boy I like a lot
Every morning, I wait by our lockers
Just to catch a glimpse of you
On my heart, your face is etched
I ache to tell you of my love
Your response, I cannot chance
I cannot tell my dreams for us
More than once, I thought to tell
Only on paper I can speak
When I see you, I always smile
If you see me, you smile back
And all that day I float on air
I love your eyes, green like jade
On some days, your eyes are sad
School this year is nearly done
My heart is flip-flopping
I have to do something
Your years are done here
I made up my mind
It would be today I talk to you
Please hurry before I lose my courage
I find a letter in my locker
There I wait for you to show
Who is it from I do not know
I waited till the second bell
But you never did show
I got to class just on time
Thinking of you still lying in bed
Had me thinking those thoughts again
I wasn’t listening to the PA today
Till I heard your beautiful name
I heard a gasp go through the class
Did you do something really tight
Why are all the girls crying
I heard the words, you are dead
It can’t be true, I’m still asleep
From a nightmare I dare not wake
My head is spinning, I cannot see
I cannot breathe, it cannot be
A friend of mine is shaking me
He is asking “are you okay”
All I can do is shake my head
I cannot stand, I lean on him
He pulls me out into the hall
When all is well, we’re grown up
When we hurt, we’re kids again
My friend and I are pulled apart
The mass of others carries me along
My tears are falling, where do I go
I see a bench, reach it I must
They are here, his closest friends
They are in shock as much as I
His best friend is falling apart
In his hand, he has a paper
I look down and see again
The letter from my locker
Crumbled in my hand
With trembling fingers I tear it open
I look at the bottom, I see his name
From the top, I read his words
“I’m not sure if you know who I am
when I dare to look at you
I always saw you were smiling
I hung around our lockers
Waiting to catch a glimpse of you
Trying to get the nerve to speak
Twice, I did follow you home
Too far back for you to know
I wanted so bad to run to you
Your response, I could not chance
If only I knew you are like me
I am so lonely it hurts like hell
If only one boy who is like me
Would reach out and talk
I’m so scared I don’t dare
I’m so sorry what I write
I have to tell you
How much I Love You
Please don’t hate me
’Cause I’m queer
I’d rather be dead than live like this”
I cannot believe he loved me
Now the truth is sinking in
The boy I adored was in love with me
Had I told him I Love You
He would be alive and in my arms
I feel it from deep inside
My chest is tight
My throat is dry
What erupts is a primal scream
Through my tears shouting our pain