This is a wonderful piece of introspection. It's not dated precisely, but it's one of the poems I wrote while I was in hospital. My guess is that I was depressed when I wrote this… the thoughts it reveals are fairly typical of a person trying to see through the dark cloud of depression.
- What’s wrong?
- Something is, but I don't know what.
- Am I lonely?
- Bored?
- Depressed?
- Jealous?
- Angry?
- Disappointed?
- Or just sad for some reason?
- I don’t know what’s wrong,
- And I don’t know what to do.
- I’ve tried many things
- To occupy my mind,
- To relieve the pressure;
- But none have helped much.
- I’ve tried reading,
- But couldn’t concentrate.
- I’ve tried listening to music,
- But that failed to cheer me up.
- People don’t help much either.
- One or two who might help
- Are occupied somewhere else;
- And the ones who are around me
- Only help to make matters worse.
- Oh no—
- They don’t deliberately
- Set out to annoy me
- Or stir me
- Or put me down.
- At least I don’t think they do.
- It’s just that the circumstances and time are such
- That, in whatever we do or say,
- Our personalities clash
- And the situation becomes tense again.
- There was one man.
- He thought he had the answer to everything.
- “Do this!”
- “Do that!”
- He ordered.
- The only effect he had was bad.
- The pressure doesn’t help,
- Of course,
- And there are many different pressures.
- There’s pressure to conform…
- To this group or that.
- There’s pressure from one side to do one thing,
- And from another side to do something else.
- On the other hand,
- If you want to do something, there will be pressure
- brought against your doing it.
- If you say something,
- Someone will tell you to shut up.
- If you don’t say something, though,
- They’ll say you’re moody,
- Or anti-social.
- It often seems that people are only too ready
- To see your faults,
- While they ignore your good points.
- What, then, is the answer?
- How do you cope with all this?
- Perhaps it’s just me—
- My attitude to life—
- And perhaps therein lies the answer.
- If it does, perhaps I’ll learn.
- If it doesn’t,
- Where is it?
- I don’t know,
- But it must be somewhere.
1970
Copyright © 1970, 1999-2008 by Alien Son. All rights reserved.