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Freefall
By Codey
Chapter 03
“It was the maddest and most embarrassed I’ve ever been, Tim”
“They told you it was just a school physical?”
“Yeah, it was a physical, alright. It included my own private anal exam. I almost lost it there for a while, but the doctor was able to calm me down a lot.”
“When you going to get here?”
“I don’t know. If Scott isn’t home, Freddy is taking me to the bus station to get my ticket. I’ll call you as soon as I find out what time the bus gets to Chicago.”
“God, this is going to be great, Bri, just like old times!”
“If your parents let me stay.”
“Are you still worrying about that? Hang on a minute….”
“Are you still there, Bri?”
“Yeah.”
“OK, I just told them you’re coming and they’re as excited as I am. Dad says to find out when you’ll be here and mom is telling me to get off the phone and go clean my room – and not to forget to change my nasty bedding.”
“OK, OK. I’ll call as soon as I find out an arrival time. Now go change that nasty bedding!”
“Bye, Bri, I can hardly wait!”
I was awakened early that morning by a loud knocking, and looked up to see Scott walking into my room. “Get up, lazy ass, we have a lot to do this morning.” Looking down at the tent in the blanket from my morning wood, he said, “Oh...you’re already up, looks like. Well, get out of bed, then. You have a doctor’s appointment to get to and I have a computer rescue mission to carry out.”
“I have some things I need to do this morning,” he continued, “do you think you can find a ride home from the doctor’s? It’s no big deal if you can’t, I can look into these things this afternoon if I need to.”
“I’ll call Freddy as soon as I get out of the shower. I’m sure he’ll do it if he’s not busy. Now get the hell out of here so I can get out of bed!”
“What’s the matter, little bro? Are you afraid someone will see your hard little dinky?” he laughed and left.
I chuckled a little to myself. It looked like things were getting back to normal with Scott and me.
I showered and called Freddy and then went downstairs. Scott was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the want ads. “Any more of that?” I asked. He just grunted and gestured towards the counter with his head.
I got myself a cup and sat at the table across from Scott. “I talked to Freddy,” I said. “He’s got nothing planned and said he’d take me to the clinic too, if that would help.”
Scott lowered the paper and looked thoughtful, “Yeah, that would be a big help. That’ll give me a chance to get your computer back before they can do anything to it, and give me plenty of time to do the other things I need too.”
“Do you need any help with it? I’d be glad to help when I get back from the clinic.”
“Nah, there’s really nothing you could do. I can’t tell you what it is yet, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. I need to check out a few things to make sure it’s doable, and if it is, then I’ll fill you in.”
“OK, Scott, but if I can help, just let me know.”
“I will bro, thanks. Well, I better get my ass in gear. I’ll see you later this afternoon.” Then he got up and left, taking the paper with him.
“Oh well,” I thought, “I don’t need to read the paper anyway. I’m used to reading the back of the cereal box.”
I was on my second cup of coffee when I heard a rapping on the kitchen door. I turned and looked over my shoulder, and seeing Freddy standing there, shouted, “Come on in.”
“Hey, Bri.”
“Hey, Freddy, thanks for the ride.”
“No problem, there’s nothing going on today and it gives me something to do. Besides, If I expect a good bachelor party, I have to be nice to my best man.” he said with a grin. “I expect a big cake and a naked Jessica Simpson popping out of it.”
“And as soon as Angie found out, there’d be a dead best man and groom,” I laughed.
“Yeah,” he laughed in return, “but if you can’t live the life, enjoy the dream!”
“I have a feeling you’re going to have to be doing a lot of dreaming after Angie gets those apron strings wrapped around your neck.”
“Nah...I’ll be living the life. She’s who I want and who I need. I just hope all my friends can find the one for them and are able to live the life too.”
“Yeah,” I said, but thinking to myself how much harder it would be for me to find that special someone, to live our lives and show our love in the open like Freddy and Angie. I knew I had to tell Freddy I was gay and that I’d understand if he wanted another best man. “Freddy, there’s something we need to talk about.”
He looked at me quizzically and said, “OK dude, but we better talk in the car. We don’t want to be late getting you to the doctor’s for your appointment. It’s not every day you get to have someone playing with your balls and wanting you to cough.”
“Oh God! You had to remind me didn’t you?” I laughed. “OK, let’s go.”
We’d gone a few blocks and Freddy glanced over at me, “OK Bri, you wanted to talk about something. What’s up? You haven’t changed your mind about being my best man have you?”
“Asking me to be your best man was the best thing that has happened to me lately. I feel honored that you did, but you might want to change your mind after we talk. I’m gay, Freddy. I don’t know how to tell you any other way than to just say it. I’ve known I was gay since I was thirteen. It’s not something I wanted or decided. It just was.
“I’ve kept it hidden, hoping it would go away, but it hasn’t and won’t. I’ve lived with this for five years, having to be careful what I say or how I act; afraid someone would find out and all my friends and family would turn against me. A couple months ago, I decided I couldn’t keep living like this and did the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I told my mom and dad.”
“And they didn’t take it very well?”
“That’s an understatement! They think I’ve become a child molesting pervert and am corrupting all you straight guys in town!”
He looked at me with sudden understanding. “So that’s it,” he said.
“That’s what?”
“Look, Bri, you’ve not been yourself all summer. I mean you’ve always been the quiet type, but even more so this summer. Your game is off and you never just hang out with the rest of us anymore. All the guys have been wondering what’s going on, and there’s been a lot of speculation.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, the normal things...drugs, alcohol, a serious illness, and whether you’re gay or not.”
“They’re talking about whether I’m gay or not? It’s nice to know my friends are talking about me behind my back!” I said sarcastically.
“It wasn’t like that, Bri. It was out of concern for you. Most of us wanted to help you but couldn’t, because we didn’t know what was going on.”
“Most of you?”
“Yeah. There are a couple guys not too happy that you might be gay, but most don’t care one way or the other.” I guess he could see the rejection I felt, written on my face. “Look, Bri, you have to face the fact that not everyone is going to approve of you. Some of them don’t approve of Angie getting pregnant. So you might lose a few friends, big deal! At least you’ll know who your real friends are and who you can trust.”
“There’s just one problem though, Bri. My best man can’t be...”
“Oh shit,” I thought, “here it comes. He doesn’t want me to be his best man now.”
“...wearing a pink tux. You’ll have to wear a plain dark one like the rest of us!” He burst out in raucous laughter as I sat in startled silence, not realizing what he’d said at first. Then it hit me and I couldn’t hold the laughter back either.
Our laughter had died down by the time we pulled into the Medical Center parking lot and I looked at Freddy and asked, “So you’re OK with me being gay? You don’t have a problem with having a gay best man?”
“I don’t have a gay best man, I have a good friend as best man – a good friend that just happens to be gay. Angie and I were already pretty sure you were gay before I asked and it didn’t matter to either of us.”
“Does Tim know about you?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“When did you tell him?”
“I didn’t. You and my parents are the only ones I’ve told. Scott knows because he heard me and my parents talking. Tim figured it out on his own a couple years ago and confronted me with it.”
Freddy was nodding in agreement, “Yeah, I figured Tim knew. He always did have more guts than the rest of us. How’s Scott taking it?”
“A lot better than my parents! That’s for damn sure!” I said as we entered the clinic.
I was one of the first patients there that early, and only had to wait a few minutes after signing in, before my name was called and the nurse led me to an examining room. She gave me a paper cup to pee in and a paper gown to put on. She told me to go into the bathroom in the hall, fill the cup, and then leave it on the sink and come back and undress and put on the gown. Then she left saying she’d be back in a few minutes. I hate those gowns! Even though everything is basically covered up, you still feel naked and cold.
It wasn’t long before she came back and weighed and measured me. She took my temperature, blood pressure and pulse, and wrote it on my chart. She said she needed blood for some tests and took three vials from my arm; then said the doctor would be in shortly and left again, leaving me alone.
When you’re sitting in an examining room, basically naked, time drags. It seemed like hours, but was probably only ten or fifteen minutes before the doctor came in. “Hi Brian,” he said, while reading my chart, “how are you feeling? Any complaints?”
“No sir, I’ve been feeling OK.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that. Hop up onto the table and we’ll check you out.”
He listened to my heart and lungs, looked in my throat and ears, and then told me to stand up and take the gown off. He had me turn around as he checked me out for anything out of the ordinary and then gave me the old ‘turn your head and cough test.’ Then he told me to put the gown back on and have a seat while he explained what was going to happen next.
“Have you ever had a prostate exam Brian?”
I thought for a few seconds, “I don’t think so. If I did, I don’t remember it.”
He chuckled and said, “Believe me, if you’d had one, you’d remember. Brian, a prostate exam is very important to adult men. It’s not pleasant to go through but it is very necessary. More men die from prostate cancer every year than women die from breast cancer. Often, the first indications of a problem are found through a physical exam. Irregularities are often found before symptoms appear.” He then went on to tell me the procedure and how it was done. “One thing to remember, Brian, is that sometimes during the manipulation of the prostate, the patient will get an erection. This is nothing to be concerned about. The prostate is closely associated with sexual feelings, and this reaction is normal. If it happens during the exam, I know you’ll be embarrassed, but it won’t be the first time I’ve seen it happen, so I’ll basically ignore it, except to note that you had a fairly typical reaction.”
Needless to say, his explanation had me more worried than I was before, but the exam was over pretty quickly. He was right. It wasn’t pleasant, but not as bad as I had feared, and I was happy I hadn’t popped wood and embarrassed myself.
“Well, that’s it, Brian, you can get dressed and I’ll be back as soon as we have some of the blood test results.”
“How am I?” I asked. “Does everything look OK?”
“So far, you look like a perfectly healthy and normal young man. I’m sure the tests will all show the same thing.”
I hurriedly dressed, glad that the exam was over, and was walking around in the room, checking things out, when the Doctor came back into the room. I sat back down on the examining table and waited for him to speak.
“The tests we were able to do here in the office are all normal, as I expected. It will be four or five days before the results from the HIV and other STD tests are back, but I’m sure they’ll be clear also.”
“What?” I yelled, jumping up. “What HIV test?”
The doctor looked startled and then got an angry scowl on his face. “Brian, you didn’t know about the STD tests? Your parents never told you what this exam was about?”
“Hell, no. They said it was a physical for returning to school!”
“Calm down a little and sit down, Brian. Let’s talk for a bit. First off, I’m sorry. When your mom called to make the appointment and said they’d found out you were gay and had all agreed that you should be tested for STD’s, I assumed you had also agreed. Believe me, I never would have agreed without you knowing what was going on.”
“Let me ask you this, are you sexually active? Well, except with yourself, I mean. I’m not so old I can’t remember what it’s like being a teen.”
I looked up and saw a grin on his face, and that eased the tension a little. “No,” I said, “I’m not sexually active.”
“Do you have any idea how your mom and dad got that idea?”
“They think all gays are sexual predators and are sleeping with everyone they can find that’s willing.”
“But you know better don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Good for you. Brian, you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. Don’t let others’ opinions get to you. Gary has told us that you’ve been acting strange and bothered the last few months. Is this why?”
Gary was the doctor’s son and was in my class at school and on our soccer team. He was another friend like Freddy, or rather like I’d assumed Freddy was. Freddy had turned out to be a better friend than I thought.
“Yes.”
“Are things pretty tense at home?”
I gave a sarcastic chortle. “Yeah. I’d say things are pretty tense at home.”
“Have either of your parents hurt you or threatened you? Physically, I mean?”
“No, they only talk to me to give me a new rule or take away something I enjoy doing.”
“And you think this is because you’re gay?”
“It is because I’m gay. I can’t babysit because I’m gay. I can’t hang out with my friends because I’m gay. I’m not supposed to have my bedroom door closed because I’m gay. They even took my computer away. Not because of something I did on it but because of something I might do because I’m gay.”
“Sometimes, when parents find out they have a gay child, they overreact and it takes time for them to come to grips with the idea. Usually, things smooth back out and life goes on. What I’m trying to say is, don’t burn your bridges, Brian, Give them some time to work things out in their heads.”
“They’ve had three months – and instead of trying to understand they’re trying to control me. They’re the ones that have been burning bridges, not me. I’ve given them all the time I can without some signs things are going to get better.”
The doctor looked at me and slowly nodded his head. “Yes, at my age, three months doesn’t seem such a long time, but I can understand that to someone your age it can be an eternity.”
“This is what I’m going to do, Brian. I’m going to give you a prescription for the depression and anxiety. And don’t give me that crap about not needing medicine. You have to take these. You won’t see a difference for awhile, but they will help. I’m going to recommend to your parents that all of you need some time apart so that you can all think things over. You do have somewhere you can stay until school starts next week, don’t you?”
I nodded in agreement.
“I’m also going to recommend family counseling for all of you. This doesn’t seem to be something the three of you are going to be able to settle without some outside help.
“How many people know about this?”
“My family, Tim Mathers, and his family and Freddy.”
“Have you thought about what will happen if this gets around school?”
“No, I guess that’s something I’ll have to figure out if it happens.”
He had written out the prescription, and as he handed it to me, he said, “I know my son, Brian. If you have trouble at school, you can count on him being there for his friend.” He patted me on the back and said, “Take care, Brian, I’ve been your doctor since you were born and have grown fond of you.”
As I walked past the receptionist to the waiting room to tell Freddy I was ready to go, I noticed her staring at me. Was she really or was I just getting paranoid?
We’d decided to stop at Mickey D’s on the way home, and after we’d gotten our food and found a table, Freddy said I looked angry, and asked what had happened. I filled him in and he asked what I was going to do.
“I’m going away until school starts.”
“What if they won’t let you?”
“They won’t if, I ask, so I plan on being gone when they get home from work this afternoon.”
“Where do you plan on going?”
“I don’t want you to have to lie for me, if they ask, so I can’t tell you. I’ll be back before school starts, though. I’m not going to let them keep me away from the friends I’ve been to school with for eleven years or keep me from graduating with those friends.”
“I need a couple more favors though, Freddy.”
“As long as it doesn’t involve sex, you got it bro!” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “I do draw the line at some things.”
I laughed and explained I needed to go by the bank and then to 7-11 to get a phone card and use their payphone.
“You calling the place you’re headed?”
“Yeah.”
“What about Scott?”
“He should be home by the time we get there. If he’s not, can you give me a ride to the bus station too?”
“Sure, but Scott needs to know where you’ve gone at least.”
“He’ll figure it out, but if he’s not there, I’ll give him a call on his cell.”
When we’d done all our running and gotten home, Scott still wasn’t there. I called him and told him about the doctor’s trip, and that I was leaving for a few days. “Sounds like a good idea, Brian. Things are looking up with what I’m doing, so maybe things will be better when you get home. I don’t want to know where you’re headed, but If you happen to run into an old friend or his family there, be sure to say ‘hi’ for me.”
I laughed and told him that if that happened, I’d be sure to give them the message from him.
“Stay in touch, little bro. I love you and worry about you.”
“I will, Scott, I love you too.”
The bus trip was uneventful except for the heat and smell. I was glad when we reached the outskirts of Chicago, but it seemed to take as long to get downtown from there as it had to drive from St Louis to the Chicago suburbs. I grabbed my bag and went into the waiting room. I saw Tim and both parents there, waving at me with big smiles. First his dad gave me a hug and welcome and then his mom did the same.
“Out of the way, old people,” Tim said. “Let us show you the proper way to greet an old friend.” He walked up to me, and with a serious look, said, “Good evening, Brian. It’s good to see you again.” Then he held out his hand to shake. Puzzled, I held out my hand too and he grabbed it and jerked me into a big bear hug, picked me up off my feet and swung me around, “HAH! You’ll never learn, loser!” he laughed.
Laughing myself now, I said, “Put me down, you big dumb jock.”
He set me back on my feet, and giving me a regular hug, he said, “It is good to see you again, Brian.”
“Yeah,” I replied, picking my bag back up and following them toward the door, “It’s good to see all of you again too.” And it was. As we were walking out of the station, I was basking in the warmth of their welcome. “This is the way it should be with friends and family,” I thought, as we walked out into the muggy Chicago night.
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